Chewy Fixation

Dear Aunt Rufus,

I just feel safer with something in my teeth.  I love the smell, the feeling of joy of having an old shoe on my mouth.  My mom is always mad, so I must need help.

Just call me Chewy.

Dear Chewy,
You need a new roll model -  how about Chewbaca.   He is the loyal friend and first mate of Dog Solo, and serves as co-pilot on Solo's spaceship, the Millennium Pointer.  Chewbaca would never chew on a shoe.
Then ask your mom to buy you something wonderful to chew on, like a nice juicy steak!

Aww-awful

Dear Aunt Rufus,

My owner dresses me in dresses.  This wouldn't be bad, except I'm not female.  My male friends can't stop laughing...
Help, Its Aww-ful to be Forced to Cross Dress!

Dear Aww-ful,
I would give you some serious advise, but it is hard to take you seriously.... Take that silly bow off.  Wag your tail at something a dog would be proud to wear.  Think Biker   dog-dude!

Your Bone Friend,
Aunt Rufus

Can't Stop Chasing Cars

Dear Aunt Rufus,

I  have a terrible urge to run down the street every time a car passes.  Help, I don't know how to stop Chasing Cars!

Always a Limper

Dear Limper,
How many times does a Milk-bone Truck have to run over your head - dog-dude?     Stop now or change your name to Squishy.
Your Bone Friend,
Aunt Rufus